10 reasons why we shouldn't defund NPR

With the economy the way it is there is no doubt the government is looking for things to cut back on. Sure we have trillions tied up in pointless foreign wars, subsidies for billionaires, live babies to feed Sarah Palin (that baby she holds in public is not her child, it's her snack.), and hush money to keep all those gay prostitutes Rick Santorum frequents quiet but those things can't be helped. As always cutbacks fall on education (hopefully the rapture will come before the future gets here) and NPR. While attempting to pay of the national debt/deficit by cutting some of the least funded programs is much like giving up your daily insulin to pay for a $500,000 dollar yacht in the middle of landlocked Candyland there are still groups ineffectively pushing for this inane budget change.

Maybe I'm jaded by my enjoyment of the news and knowledge of things like this so lets look at some of possible results of defunding NPR.

10 Reasons Why We Shouldn't Defund NPR


1. They will add fart sound effects between stories during the BBC world news.

2. Regional Local Interest shows will be forced to cover things that are actually interesting.

3. Only half the things will be considered on "All things considered".

4. In an attempt to get enough ratings to stay on the air Diane Rhem will resort to showing her boobs.


5. "Talk of the Nation" will be forced to include what the nation is really talking about, fart jokes and Charlie Sheen.

6. Science Friday will be forced to include mediocre soft sciences like Psychology and Sociology.

7. Neal Conan sucks at pan handling.


8. Prairie Home Companion will get twice the airtime.

9. The woman who reads the news hour brief will be forced to pepper in world news during sex chat on her 900 number. Phrases like "Yes penetrate me hard like united nations forces did today while entering Libyan airspace", "I've spilled oil all over my hot jugs much like the spill found today in gulf that appears to be leaking from the Matterhorn Seastar oil rig.", "I'm having 7 orgasms which was the number votes cast in the Supreme court to overide a decision made by the Kansas State legislature", and "Yes poop on my chest, today MIT announced plans to utilize human waste as biofuel to generate electricity.".


10. Terry Gross will be forced to become a prostitute.