As representative of the Moloid peoples and the dwellers of Subterranea I must speak out about the great injustices being perpetrated against underground dwellers by one called “Barack Obama”.
For too long Subterranean Americans have been kept in the dark (figure of speech we like being in the actual dark, damn your surface metaphors.) as to the running of the country we dwell beneath. We are sick of the topographically top percent making all the decisions as to who can dig where, whose drills can screw our cavernous cities, who gets to steal our precious elemental resources, and rape our mole women (okay, nobody has tried to rape our mole women even our most beautiful supermodel Ruth Bader Ginsberg). It is time we take a hunched over stand!
During his campaign and repeatedly after Barack Obama has promised to plunge the world into darkness promising to fund solar initiatives aimed at draining the awful sun of its power via absorption by solar panels. Three years later the sun still sits in the sky a constant terrorist threat to the Moloids, yet Obama has promised to make America safer! Why does this promise not extend to subterranea?
Name one pro-moleman initiative Barack Obama has supported? I bet you can’t.
Worse he pleads ignorance of our problems. When BP’s gross ignorance caused a cave-in at the city of Rocklar with their drunken pococurante drill poking he just let them walk away with no burning in the molten pits below. When the dome of great city of Hothdar cracked letting in awful, awful sunlight who was out there handing out spf 1000 sunscreen? Not Obama. To this day the Hothdarians still must hide in the surrounding caverns during your pitiful hours of sunlight. FEMA has forgotten about us.
Only the Republican and Tea Parties have adequately represented our interest in eliminating the surface dwellers. Some with this idea called “rapture” in which they do everything possible to hasten their own demise from dimming education, handing nuclear weapons to contentious careless aggressors, and facilitating the mass production of carcinogens that simulate the hot molten conditions of the lower underworld.
Until the surface world is plunged into eternal darkness I stand by my statement.
Barack Obama doesn’t care about mole people.
